|
Reviews “A Safe Distance: Surviving Religious Trauma” by Steve Hyndes. Review written by Graeme B. Ryan AC. Professor Emeritus, The University of Melbourne This is a brave and engaging book, intensely personal and frank, recording first how Steve Hyndes was “groomed” into the Catholic Church, entering the seminary in 1956 at the age of 17, followed by his ordination as a priest in Sydney in 1962. He had “swallowed the whole toxic package” resulting sadly in his feeling of entrapment as a priest into a life of significant turmoil, disillusionment and unhappiness from which he was not able to escape until 1976 when he “left that strange world”. Steve was fortunate then to be able to reinvent himself, against the odds, and get on with a life of “new adventures” filled with family and fulfilment in partnership with Paula, a former nun, over the next 40 years and beyond. This is an inspirational story interlaced with interesting anecdote and self-deprecating humour, sometimes bleak in the earlier years, but always an entertaining, uplifting and worthwhile read throughout the book.
Review written by Kieran Tapsell - Published Author and Lawyer At the beginning of his book,A Safe Distance: Surviving Religious Trauma, Steve Hyndes describes how his maternal grandfather, Thomas Robertson Thompson, who died in 1922, left an account to inform his family of his life and times, which "was different to theirs". One of the realities of human existence is that all of us slip into the past and will be forgotten within a couple of generations, unless somewhere along the line, pen is put to paper in some form of biography. I have always thought it a shame that some of my more interesting ancestors did not put pen to paper. Much of the book will be of interest to his family, but there is another group of people who would also find it interesting because they have travelled along the same path of a reverse St. Paul or St. Augustine. These two giants of the Christian religion were famously struck by such strong religious experiences that they devoted their whole lives to propagating their beliefs and in trying to convince others that it was the only right way to live. Their experiences have been so intriguing that their lives and writings have become an important part of Western literature. There is another spiritual journey, just as intriguing, of those who were born into that same religion and who devoted a great part of their lives to its practice and propagation but then slowly and painfully saw the scales fall from their eyes to see that they had been operating under a delusion, with just as much conviction as St Paul and St Augustine had viewed their former lives. The only difference is that most of these survivors don't feel the need to convince others of their non-belief and are happy to put it down to experience and move on. It is not surprising that neuroscientists have discovered that the centres of the brain that deal with religious experience are the same as those dealing with the experience of falling in love. And indeed, much spiritual literature in religions of all persuasions describe the religious experience in similar terms. It leads to a kind of blindness where one can only see the good qualities of the beloved, and the bad qualities slip into the drawer of non-importance. George Pell once described how he started reading the Koran to try and understand Islam, which at that time wasplagued by various forms of violent extremism. He said he couldn't finish it because he was turned off by the violence in this holy book. George must have read his Old Testament with the rose-tinted spectacles of the besotted. It is also interesting that dignitaries of mainstream Christianity are quick to brand splinter groups as "cults" without seeing the beam in the eye of their own. Steve Hyndes
writes about his difficult journey from belief to unbelief:"There
was no flash of lightning. It was like waking up one day after
a bout of flu' and realising that I was alive and well. I had
reached a stage where I regarded the Catholic Church with the
same interest as a plate of cold day-old fish and chips."
He does not see his experience as something special, saying it
is a bit like ex-soldiers adjusting to civilian life, athletes
at the end of their sporting life, adults and children involved
in divorce or people facing up to the reality of their different
sexual orientation. This transition may be relatively easy for
some, but for others it can be traumatic. The subtitle and contents
of the book suggest that for Steve, it was the latter. The book is a very easy read. Some outside his family may find his descriptions of different jobs and constant house moving as worth skimming over, but hisjourney of the mind in and out of the Catholic Church is interesting even if it is a familiar painful story.
Review written by Carla van Raay - Author of God's Callgirl and Carla's News and Views. As an ex-nun who left her order at about the same time as the author of this fascinating account left his priestly life, I was enthralled to read and compare the details of the restrictive life of a male within the Catholic clerical structure with my own experiences. I had expected something more human or humane than my own experiences of convent life, but I found that the religious indoctrinations accompanied by years of destructive criticisms and dehumanisations Steve Hyndes endured, were far more severe. Of course, it is easy for me now to look back and wonder how we could have allowed such manipulation for more than a week! That we both did for years, and in Steve's case for 26 years, is testimony to the power of inducing guilt and in the systematically reducing of confidence in one's own innocence and validity from early childhood. The first part of the book, which deals with the author's clerical life in full cinematic colour and a bland sense of humour, I found the most engrossing. I smiled a lot in spite of the grim content, and also laughed out loud. His ruminations about sex and the shocking revelation of how celibacy of his fellow priests was simply a 'face' or 'farce' and not always a fact, were particularly interesting to me, since sexual freedom can be equated (at least by me) with the freedom to think for oneself. In the case of vowed celibacy, however, this freedom is marred by a harmful duplicity. That Steve finally connected with Paula, who was to become his wife and mother of three sons, felt like a relief at last to me. After leaving the priesthood, I looked for accounts of his spiritual development along truer lines, but had to wait for a long time for that as I read the accounts of many movements through many towns and places as they made their lives together, often looking for work. At twenty pages from the end, we get a first good idea of how the clerical mask, preserved internally in spite of so much disillusionment, is faced full on and beginning to get dismantled. Without a clear new belief system to replace the old, the process proved to be extremely difficult, accompanied with physical symptoms reflecting severe emotional stresses. I laud Steve Hyndes for writing so openly about these very personal experiences, offered to the reader with the hope that understanding will dawn on those likewise brainwashed, whether as clerics or as church-goers. By reading this account, one cannot stay blind to the contradictions within a religion which preaches love and lives self-hatred. I wish him and his dear wife Paula the happiest of relaxed years to come. www.carlavanraay.com
Review Written by Michelle Mulvihill DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK! Do not open this book if you do not want to learn important things about the lives of Catholic priests in the last century and the toxic swamp they are still forced to inhabit. Steve Hyndes uncovers a litany of behaviours, hobbies, attitudes and intentionally harmful practices inside the Catholic Church, the largest cult in the world, over a fifty-year period, that may or may not reinforce what you might already have been thinking. This book is a deeply personal statement from the heart, giving voice to the dangerous territory of patriarchal omnipotence. Some take-aways for me: some Catholic priests have a penchant for growing sheds full of orchids; many were or are chain smokers; others are not so organized and prefer betting on the greyhounds; power plays existed long before T20 cricket; most priests are left to their own devices;belonging to a cult is fairly easy but leaving it is extremely tricky;celibacy is a fabrication that causes many a priest to lose his mind; blind obedience, like all good dog training, ensures submission; belonging to the Catholic Church is not safe. It never was, and it still is not. These are not quotes necessarily but are the impressions I am left with. For some readers it will be confirmation of already widely held views. To others, anathema. I do not want to give away too many more examples of what this book contains. The overwhelming feeling I am left with after reading A Safe Distance is one of extreme sadness about what human beings are capable of doing to each other inside organized religions. I have a newly found respect for those who can get through the trauma of overwhelming loneliness and come out well at the other end. Truly it's time to pull out the plug from this quagmire. Steve Hyndes' impressive writing indicates the need to do just that. But, of course, if you are locked into believing that patriarchy works, do not open this book.
Review circulated in the HAAG Newsletter. "A Safe Distance -Surviving Religious Trauma", HAAG member Steve Hyndes candidly shares his journey from life as a Roman Catholic priest to building a new life with his wife Paula and a growing family. From the age of 15, Steve felt the pull towards priesthood, but it wasn't until 17 that he entered the seminary, unaware of the cult-like nature of the church's doctrines. Steve exposes
the harsh realities of priesthood, where bullying and emotional
manipulation were rampant. Despite his initial dedication, doubts
began to creep in, especially when faced with the news of Paula's
pregnancy. This pivotal moment led him to question his place in
the church and ultimately choose a different path. With Paula's
unwavering support and professional guidance, they navigated through
various employment opportunities across different community services
settings in New South Wales, Northern Territory and Victoria.
Despite the daunting task of questioning deeply ingrained beliefs, Steve's and Paula's resilience stand as a testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome adversity. The book offers prospective readers facing difficult circumstances a beacon of hope, demonstrating that life can indeed take unexpected turns, yet ultimately lead to newfound strength and resilience. I found the book to be authentic, inspiring, and profoundly moving, as it delves into the depths of religious trauma and the journey towards healing and self-discovery. It was a privilege to meet the author himself, and I encourage others to read his book. I look forward to hearing Paula's account of her life's journey entering and leaving the Mercy Order of Nuns. EsmaBecirevic Readers who
would like a copy of the book can pick up a copy from Reuben in
the HAAG office for a small donation, or make a $15 donation and
we will post one to you..
Anonymous
feedback: I have read your book this past weekend while being holed up inside, trying to stay cool in the terrible heat we just had.
It is a great book and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It certainly brings to light some of the hardships young priests suffered through the Catholic Church.
I just wanted to say, I really do hope you get the opportunity to have your book published by a publisher to get it out there for everyone to read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I am so glad you and Paula had such a happy outcome after breaking away from the church and had such a happy life together.
|
